Hotel

The hotel where I'm staying is very nice and the staff try very hard to make it as pleasant as possible. However, they do go slightly over the top.

Like, whenever I get back to my room at night, everything is switched on including the air conditioning, set to 20 degrees. I have to go round switching everything off.

And whenever I get my laundry back, it's vacuum packed (see photo). Maybe it's so that it looks like it's new, and I can have the pleasure of opening it for the "first" time.

Dinner is another ordeal. I'm the only person in the 100-seater fiercely air-conditioned restaurant. There are 6 or 7 waiters milling around. They efficiently guide me to my seat and then insist on unfolding my napkin and draping it lovingly on my lap.

Then they'll immediately switch on the plasma TV so I can "enjoy" watching adverts while I eat. They will fill my glass with bottled water, and just as soon as I've taken a sip... they'll come scurrying back over and top up the unfilled inch of the glass. When they bring my curry, they insist on spooning it onto my plate. And after a mouthful, they'll come running over and spoon more onto my plate.

At breakfast once, I had some coffee. It was black coffee so I walked over to the buffet and grabbed up the milk jug. Just as I was about to pour milk into my coffee, a horrified waiter took the milk jug off me and insisted that he poured it. And then a second later, realising his heinous mistake, he hurried back and moved my cup around so that the handle was pointing in my direction.

I think before long I'll just get accustomed to this. And I'll starve to death next time I'm in the pub, waiting for the bar staff to spoon vegetarian chili onto my plate.