Underpants

Back in the UK, my chiropractor had given me some exercises to do, to flex my spine and avoid any problems caused by hunching over a computer for 12 hours a day. After doing these exercises, the stiffness between my shoulder blades has kind of spread out into my shoulders and neck.

Well, at the hotel where I'm staying, the "Orient Spa" offers massages, "body scrubs", luxurious milk baths, "body wraps" and Ayurvedic treatments. Great. I'll see if they can give me a shiatsu chair massage to work out the tension in my shoulders.

I went over to the spa and explained to the manager exactly what I wanted. He called over a young Indian man and they muttered together for a while before the masseur said "Swedish Massage". I said "Er... okay". The manager said for it to work properly, I'd also need oil. I hesitantly agreed.

I was directed to the male side of the spa and into a massage room. I took off my shirt and laid on the bed in my Hawaiian shorts. The masseur came into the room with a pair of disposable underpants. He told me to strip naked and put them on. I felt the blood drain out of my face and told the masseur that it wasn't necessary. He insisted and left the room.

So I put on the stupid disposable underpants and laid on the massage table feeling very vulnerable. The young man came back into the room and then proceeded to pour oil all over my body. And hair.

He then rubbed his hands everywhere, paying a disturbing amount of attention to my inner thigh. The only thing which kept me from jumping off the table and trying to escape was the fact that homosexuality is illegal in India.

After the masseur had finished violating me, I was directed to the shower were I tried to get the oil out of my hair. On exit, the manager asked me, with an expectant look, how much had I enjoyed the massage. I said "Er... very... er... nice" and hurried back to my room.